My Careless Mother- 5

Mum could not fulfill her promise to come home every weekend. Some months, she only came once and sometimes twice. I became hostile in the house and everyone knew something was wrong but no one among my sisters was matured enough to investigate further.

I perfected my plans to poison my dad but that was not easy. On two occasions, I had planned to put the poison in his food but I will discard it again. Seeing him got me irritated. I wished he could die of accident or one mysterious thing but none of these happened.

For three months, I rarely talk to my dad even though we lived under the same roof with me. All the time mum visited, she never suspected anything because I put up pretentious attitudes that looked like all was well. I will enter my shell again as soon as she returns back to Ibadan.

My dad became depressed because of the happenings around. Nike that used to be his close friend became his arch enemy. My sisters started withdrawing from him because they saw me withdrew too. My dad became an addicted drunkard. He started going to club houses just to suppress his depression. I pitied him and talk to him casually. Life returned back to him and he began to pick up again. But our relationship had gone sour. He was buying me different gifts just to pacify me but all that was nothing. My desire to take his life got stronger by the day. I was loosing concentration in school because of what my dad did to me.

On Sunday, our pastor gave a powerful sermon on “forgiveness”. He highlighted seven reasons why forgiveness will do you good than whom you are forgiving. The sermon was so touching that I had no option than to drop my murderous plan. Pastor made an altar call for those who need grace to forgive those who had hurt them. I jumped out and he prayed for us. The prayer was like lifting a heavy rock off my chest. I became light and free. I wish I could die that moment and just go to heaven straight to rest from the trouble of this world. I got home that day and prepared my dad’s favourite food just to communicate my forgiveness to him. Nike, I am grateful you have forgiven me; he held my hand as I served him his food to whisper to my ear.

On Monday, my dad bought me a big phone he ordered from the UK. He knew how much I desired to own a phone but mum will not allow him buy me one. This girl is too young to own a phone, mum had warned dad several times. If you buy her a phone I will smash it on the floor, mum threatened. She insisted none of us will own a phone until we are eighteen. But all my friends in school have phones yet they concentrated on their studies. It was never a distraction like mum painted. I loved the phone dad bought for me because all my friends in school who had intimidated me with theirs began to respect me when they saw mine.

I was enjoying my phone for three months and mum didn’t know I own a phone. When she’s around I put it off, remove the battery and hide it all through until she had gone.

As I was gaining my dad’s confidence, he struck again. This time he drugged me and raped me. In my sleep I had a dream a man came and force himself into me. He beat me up after he raped me and warned me never to tell anybody again or else he will kill me with his machete. In the dream, I cried in pain until I woke up and noticed the pain all over my body. I couldn’t lift my hands nor legs. My dad did it again!

It became a regular occurrence that my dad regularly took advantage of me. He does it almost every night. His act exposed me to spirit husband. That man will always come to molest me in the dream. My dad will do his physically, while the man will do his own spiritually. In no time, I lost the will to resist my dad. He destroyed my self esteem and pride. My academic performance started dropping. My position in class moved from 2nd and 3rd to 37th. I began to lose interest in my studies; my mind was clouded with sexual filthiness. At seventeen, I had turned to a sex addict. My dad could no longer meet my sexual needs so I arrange for my school boys and teachers to have sex with me when the urge comes.

I was caught with Ahmed having sex in the toilet and the matter was reported to the vice principal. He invited both of us to his office to investigate the matter but he was caught in the web of the seducing spirit in me. I slept with him three times and the case was closed. When the urge comes upon me, I can sleep with any guy available. It was time to write WAEC and my vice principal had assured me of success if I continued giving him sex. I grabbed the opportunity and made use of it to clear all my papers. I didn’t bother to read my books because the vice principal had arranged everything in my favour. When our result came out, I had distinction in all my papers.

Mum was happy about my result and began to persuade my dad to let them send me abroad for my university education. My dad and mum began another quarrel over my university education. My dad’s business had almost collapse so he only managed to feed us. Mum was the one responsible for our school fees and other major family bills.

On the 8th of March, I was feverish so I went to the nearest chemist in our neighbourhood to get some drugs for myself. After taking the drugs, I wasn’t getting better then I decided to go to Oxford clinic to run some tests. “Young lady, you are six weeks pregnant,” the lab attendant announced to me as he hands the tests result to me. I collected it without saying a word. When I got home I dropped the test result on dad’s bed and locked up the room so my sisters won’t barge into his room and see the result. Dad hardly lock his room, so he was surprised when he came back and found his room locked. He looked at me and Grace who were both in the living room when he arrived but I pretended I didn’t notice him. He seems to understand there must be something fishing, so he removed his key and opened the door. Five minutes later he rushed out and invited me to his room. What is the meaning of this? He pointed the test result to me. I was angry and felt like slapping him. How can he ask me the meaning of the test result in his hand. Did he not know that having unprotected sex, would result to pregnancy? I looked at him with disdain.

“Nobody must hear this, let it be between me and you”, my dad pleaded. We will get rid of it before anyone notice it. He did not allow me go out for one week until he came with a taxi driver that morning. He drove us for a long journey. He took me to a small hospital between Lagos and Ogun state. A place very difficult to find anybody who knew us. An abortion was carried out on me. My first sexual encounter was with my dad, my first pregnancy was for my dad, my first abortion was by my dad.

It wasn’t easy hiding my affairs with dad from my siblings again. They became so curious and suspicious. They asked me many questions I had no answer to. I was running out of my mind after the abortion. My spirit husband will also not give me breathing space. He used me every night with serious beating after having sex with me in the dream. One day I asked him, “Why do you always beat me after having sex with me?” “You are a cheat, you have been giving others what belongs to me. If you don’t stop sleeping with your father, I will kill him one day”, he replied. Intentionally, I continued to have sex with my dad so the spirit man can kill him. I want to be free from him. I want his death desperately to be free from his prison. My loving dad is now a heartless man.

Getting admission into the higher institution became very difficult. Since the spirit man had been having sex with me, nothing was moving for me and dad anymore. Everything I did always end up in failure.

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